I
Perkara Merapikan Trauma
Ada tanda baca titik koma di telunjuk tangan kananmu
Dan aku menemukan konjungsi di area leher kirimu
Pada perkara ini, setiap tanda adalah maktub yang jadi pengingat
Bahwa aku menemukan hadirnya yang mengada
Ada tanda berbentuk keloid di kaki kananmu
Dan aku menemukan beberapa implan ortopedi di area dadamu
Pada perkara ini, setiap tanda hanya berupa imajinasi tentang usaha mengubah hasrat menjadi asa
Bahwa aku bertemu kau ketika tidak bisa lagi telanjang depan yang mengada
Suatu malam kau datang dengan kumpulan hasrat yang lalu
Kemudian dini hari begitu dingin, dan saru pun berangsur berubah menjadi asu
Tidak ada lagi mengada, dan pada apa lagi aku bertanya
Perkara kau dengan tanda masing-masing trauma, dan kita sudah tidak bernyawa
August 202x
II
Agape 201x-201x
Baby Blue by Badfinger
Take Your Mama by Scissor Sisters
Sexual by Zara Larsson
Super Trouper by ABBA
You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC
Shape of My Heart by Backstreet Boys
This Sky by The Derek Trucks Band
Wanderluster by Band of Skulls
Penny Lane by The Beatles
Love You Inside Out by Bee Gees
I Love You by Bill Evans
Kiss On My List by the bird and the bee
Life on Mars? by David Bowie
Holy Man by Deep Purple
Hold Me Tight by Evan Rachel Wood
Dance Macabre by Ghost
Stay For A Song by Graveyard
Blood, Sex and Booze by Greenday
Rocket Queen by Guns N’ Roses
I’ve Just Seen A Face by Jim Sturgesss
The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson
You’ll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins
Killer Queen by Queen
Only Son by Rival Sons
Orpheus by Sara Bareilles
You Matter to Me by Sara Bareilles feat. Jason Mraz
Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder
Those 27 songs that you put to a playlist made for me
only there to make me realize
that the agape I want
from you is just lust
and mostly sinful pleasure
October 202x
III
A red witch and her bleeding wrath
Cut the cords and that’s all she have to do, to let anyone go
lit the red & black candles and blow the salt out of her window
It’s witching hour
And it bleeds fire
IV
Mother, please kill me
“My mother died today,”
Said Camus on The Outsider
My mother died today
Me on the other side of my hometown
No one told me
My mother died today
They let me died also this morning
I was walking, already dying, with my last drop of blood
The cramps I got
The wrath I felt
The tears that cannot came
I was just sitting there
Primajasa and its crowded space and smelly air and people with bad breath and foreign voices
For almost 6 hours
Without water
Without the energy to talk
To everyone but God
Is there any?
God(s)?
I was just silencing the thought
Of running away
From the reality I just in
No one told me
My mother died today
For what, then?
Eternity?
Its beauty?
Dante’s tragedy?
But why?
The grim I will face
It’s only June and I want to kill myself
Not a single soul can come
To my funeral in the next day
Only me and my shadow
Or my mother’s
No one told me
My mother died today
June 18th, 2014
V
Faktisitas Faktisitas Faktisitas
Di suatu gubuk, Pak Tua mengingat si Gadis yang pintar nan lugu
Itu dulu
Dan ingatan melaju mundur, si Gadis adalah murid kesayangan
Itu dulu
Pak Tua kemudian melaju maju, ia bertemu dengan para leluhur KKK
Dulu, mungkin
Dan ingatan melaju kembali mundur, ia mengingat teman si Gadis yang mati bunuh diri
Dulu, mungkin
Ketiganya hanya terlempar, percuma
Dulunya Pak Tua sudah usang
Dan si Gadis harus lebih banyak dirayakan
Vita activa vita contemplativa! Hidup Pak Tua!
Yang mati bunuh diri bukan hanya temannya
Juga si Gadis, sebab kita lebih memilih Pak Tua Pak Tua Pak Tua
Si Gadis adalah kami seratus tahun kemudian; ia menjadi teman kumpul kebo Pak Tua
Menjadi nama kedua, ketiga, atau nama panggung apabila ingin menjadi yang pertama
Tidak pernah berupa faktisitas
Memang bisa diciptakan, diatur sedemikian rupa
Kita berhak menjadi si Gadis
Yang rayakan diri kita, tanpa menunggu aba-aba dari Pak Tua Pak Tua lainnya
Yang berteriak, “Faktisitas! Faktisitas! Faktisitas!”
Kita pun berdiri mengepalkan tangan dan menyimpannya di dada
Dan berteriak, “Hidup si Gadis si Gadis si Gadis!”
Oleh Aprianti
Bandung, Jakarta, 2014-2025
Uploaded to IG: 5 poems by Aprianti // SIMULACROOM
Image source: Unsplash